just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
