i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
