if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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