I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
