What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
