Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
