You work out of a Hotel?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
