he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
