we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
