Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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