I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
