There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
