it wasn't lemon gatorade
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just blew my weed a kiss
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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