You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
