At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
