made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
