How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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