We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Is it because I queefed?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
