Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
