He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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