1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize