Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
