I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
