I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
