If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
