Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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