I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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