I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize