The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
