If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
