At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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