i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
