Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
