R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
