ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
