I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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