is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
