Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
