Will you blow on my dice?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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