my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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