I wish I could punch you in the face.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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