You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
