The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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