Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
