Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
