It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
