I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
