went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
