Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
