We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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