She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Randomize
