Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize