she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
