She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize