Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
