Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
