she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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