Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize