imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
