hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
