Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
