U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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