I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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