I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
