dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
