from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
