Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
as a side note pls kill me
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