i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
