U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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