Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
