Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I deserve this hangover.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
