My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
