Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
