i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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