The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
