I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
